this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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