You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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