I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
