Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
