why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
