Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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