Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
