If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
