shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
