I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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