She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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