dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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