Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
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i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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