i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
