Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
