we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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