My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
God, I missed his penis.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
