and you said cock pushups were impossible
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
