There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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