Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
