all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
