I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
