I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
