how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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