Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Randomize
