I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
