That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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