i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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