hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
