Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
