Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
