and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We need a shit load of segways right now
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
