You made me cry and you don't even care
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
