His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
