it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
