So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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