we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
