so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
