I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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