Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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