I wish i was in the wii world.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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