listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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