My room smells like vodka and shame
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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