you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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