wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
