I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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