I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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