I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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