Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
