i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I would ride that face into the sunset
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