I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
