oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize