Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm getting married
To pizza
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
