apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
