New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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