i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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