I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
