dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
