I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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