Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
