I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She swung at the pinata with crutches
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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