Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
