Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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