You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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