i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
