Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
