So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
