Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
